


Something To Remind Me of You

by enduring



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Love, M/M, Recovery, but happy ending i swear, gemma styles - Freeform, louis's mom for like a second, some drunk harry, sorry - Freeform, very sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-27
Updated: 2013-12-27
Packaged: 2018-01-06 09:22:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1105134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enduring/pseuds/enduring
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry's boyfriend dies, and so does a part of Louis and Harry.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something To Remind Me of You

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I am so sorry. I'm kinda good with sad stories. Its a bit longer than my other one, and it has a happy ending at least! Thanks for reading!

Is there ever going to be a day this month that it is at least sunny, Louis asked himself as he left his job at a small cafe maybe a block away from his apartment. He zipped up his jacket a little more. He steps into his house, the smell of burning pasta in the stove. "Harry? Riley?" he called out, because Harry never let his pasta unattended. No one answered, and so maybe they weren't there, but Harry never left his pasta unattended he thought again. He went up the stairs and into Harry's room, hearing him sobbing quietly. "Harry, what's-" Harry looks at him, his arms covered in blood, Riley in his arms. "Louis. He committed. He's gone." he sobbed. Louis began to slightly shake, kind of stunned at what he was seeing. "Harry, damn it. Call the fucking police, maybe he's alive still, I don't know!" Louis rambles on, dialing the emergency number and speaking to an operator. "No. NO. No. He is gone, he has no pulse. He was gone before I got here!!" Harry sobs, pushing the hair out of Riley's face. Louis looks at Harry because he didn't know what to say he was shocked, and he was shaking, and his knees were weak, and they gave out and he was not sitting next to Harry, checking Riley's pulse, but he wasn't good at these things. Louis ran his hand through his hair as well, the blood was still oozing from his wrists. Louis hadn't realized he had began to cry, until he heard a chocked sob coming from somewhere inside him. He cried and cried until he couldn't hear Harry's sobs beside him, and until he could barely see because his eyes were that watery. He cried until the ambulance came around, and checked Riley giving him a sense of hope.

~~~

But having that hope was useless, because he was dead as dirt. Harry was right, he had been dead for hours. Suicide obviously, because someone else hadn't slashed those wrists for him. Louis cried until his eyes had maybe even dried their selves out and he decided he had to be strong for the boy he loved a lot. He held him every night, because for almost 3 months Harry cried himself to sleep. Sometimes he would wake up screaming because he had nightmares of Riley. Not dreams, but nightmares, nightmares of him having to relive seeing dead Riley on the floor. And Louis really wished he could kiss Harry and make everything better, but he couldn't because Harry loved Riley, before everything, and Louis loved Harry before Riley came into the picture. And it just wasn't fair how life played itself. All those times Louis wished Riley had never came into the picture, suddenly made him feel guilty. This isn't how he wanted things to turn out because he'd rather see Harry happy with Riley, than see Harry this sad with Riley gone and just Louis left.

~~~

The day of the funeral it was all a mess. Louis drove there, his knuckles turning white for how tight he was holding on to the steering wheel. Harry was unusually quite. He hadn't cried all morning. He stared straight ahead, and barely blinked. Maybe he just didn't want to cry, maybe he just wanted to be strong for Riley's parents, just like how Louis had promised himself he would be strong for Harry. Louis just wants to reach out and run his finger over Harry's red cheeks, but he know he shouldn't. Harry is Riley's and Louis is nobody's.

~~~

The beginning went well. But Harry realized he would never ever see Riley in person ever again, so when some men came to take the casket down, he shouted and sobbed. Like one minute he was quite and only an occasional tear would roll down his cheek, but now he was running his hand through his hair and pulling his hair, and he was crying so bad. Kinda like the eye of the storm. It was all just building up Louis assumed. And as much as Louis tried to comfort him, and maybe put his arm over his shoulder, or gently pat his back, or kiss his forehead over and over and over again, he couldn't Harry would just push him away and shout to him that he wasn't Riley. And who knows what hurt more.

~~~

With tears in Louis's eyes, he grabbed on to Harry's arms and pulled him back because he wasn't letting the guys take the coffin or casket or whatever. Louis didn't know he'd have to use terms like that, not anytime soon anyways. "Louis, please. They are taking Riley away!" Harry sobbed, trying to touch the coffin one more time. "I know babe, he has to go." Louis whispers to him, his voice cracking. "NO." Harry cried, pushing Louis off of him and sitting against a wall with his face in between his knees. "Harry...." Louis really needed and wanted to do something to make him feel better, but there wasn't much. "Louis just leave me alone, please. I'll find away home." Harry says, wiping tears from his eyes even though they kept falling a little faster than the speed at which he was wiping them away. "Where are you going to head off to? Who's going to take you home? No-" "Louis. I'll be alright. I can't always do what you fucking what." Harry says with such hatred and rage that Louis just steps back and walks away. Harry was sad, Harry is grieving he repeated to himself to stop himself from crying like a fucking wimp. 

~~~

Louis had called Harry a total of 56 times over the past 3 days. 56 times didn't feel enough, because not a single one of them had been answered. He sent hundreds of text messages until he ran out of minutes. He was even taking the rash decision of using the public phone like 4 blocks away from their house. It was could, and Louis rally really had to rethink it. But it was Harry and no one had heard of him. So he walked out of the apartment, leaving the door open because he just really didn't care if anyone stole anything or because he was too cold to take his hands out of the pocket of his coat. It was dark and he was alone and the only think that gave off light was the moon and he wondered why no one put some light posts. He could almost see the telephone with out of the corner of his eye he saw someone lying on the floor. It couldn't be Harry he thought to himself. He had walked all the way over here so that Harry could be lying on the floor. He bends down to look at the person and it is Harry, drunk and sleepy Harry. And he smells. Bad. Like he hadn't showered in three days and is drunk out of his mind because the boy he loved died like 4 days ago. Putting his arm over his shoulder, he limped off with a drunk boy to their apartment.

Thankfully when they got home, no one had robbed him because nothing else could possibly go wrong in Louis's life. He trudged up the stairs to the bathroom and undressed Harry, spraying water on his face so he could wake up. "I've been worried sick." Louis sighed. Harry smiled a genuine smile. "I think I drank too much, Riley. I'm seeing stars." Louis let Harry call him Riley, because he was too drunk to be corrected anyway. "Yeah, you did. You should of at least called. So i could know you were alright, huh?" Louis says, helping Harry dry himself off and get into a pair of sweatpants. "Yeah, well Louis said you were gone. So I didn't call you." Harry laughed, and broke Louis's heard. He gulped, "Yeah, Louis is selfish. He loves you, you know." Harry grimaces, "But I love you, Riley." Harry runs his hand through Louis's fringe. "I know, I love yo too." Louis says with tears prickling to his eyes. Harry lays down on the bed, and Louis lays down next to him. Louis wished very much that Harry wasn't drunk. "I'm going to kiss you, Riley" Harry says. And with that he kissed Louis softly and slowly, and at first Louis doesn't kiss back because its wrong, and because he isn't Riley and he doesn't want to take advantage of him. But soon he gives in, because he loves him so much, and Harry will never end up loving him.

~~~

Sometimes it feels like Harry is just a ghost. He barely ever seems him, only sometimes when he gets up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water or use the bathroom. There he sees Harry walking around like a zombie. Harry feels like he's stuck here when he should be dead. Harry stopped sleeping with Louis, even though he was still having nightmares. He still cries himself to sleep, and sometimes Louis's heart would lurch when he says he wishes he was with Riley. So sometimes Louis goes to check up on him, and he's always sleeping in Riley's bed, wearing one of Riley's sweaters. He looks peaceful, and Louis would never disturb that. So he goes back to his own room, with sadness and a guilty conscious.

~~~

A month later, maybe its time to clean out Riley's room again. They can't keep pretending like he just went on some sort of long vacation. He was never coming back, and they both had to accept it. Maybe more Harry than Louis. So with a trash bag, they throw away most of Riley's things except a jumper and a signed poster from The 1975 that Harry had given to Riley on his birthday. He just couldn't bear to throw that away. And maybe a picture of Louis, Harry, and Riley on the last day before graduating from university. But Harry didn't know that Louis had hidden it in his pocket.

Louis had finally dozed off after hours of trying to sleep. It was at least 4 in the morning when he hears a crash in the living room. Louis isn't that scared when he gets up to check up on it because if it were a murderer he would be doing him a favor and if it were a robber there wasn't much he could steal, honestly. All Louis had was Harry, and he wasn't sure about that at all. It turned out to be Harry drunkenly walking around in the kitchen, breaking things, and throwing things because he was mad and sad. He was still sad about Riley and angry because he didn't know why Riley did it or because he couldn't do anything to bring him back. No one could, Harry doesn't understand that. Louis just stands there looking at him. He's all dressed up for some reason, and has a bottle of some sort of alcoholic beverage in his hand, and he's swaying around like its a fucking dance. "Harry, what are you doing?" Louis sighs, running a hand to his already messy hair. Harry looks at him his eyes watery, but they looked dead at the same time. "I don't fucking know, Louis. What are you doing?" he shouts, almost dropping the bottle. "Me? I'm actually trying to move on. Nothing can bring him back Harry. Nothing. No one." Louis says maybe a little too sharply. "I fucking know he isn't coming back, you asshole. But I loved him. Hell, I still love him and he isn't even here! Can't you understand that? Have you ever loved someone??!" Harry asks, taking a swing from the bottle and stumbling around. Louis's stomach drops. Its you asshole, he thinks. But Harry doesn't know what he's saying. "No. I've never loved anyone." Louis answers him, trying to take the bottle away from him. Harry tries to move away from Louis, but ends up dropping the bottle and smashing it all on the floor, spilling the remaining of the drink. Harry tries to pick it up, "I'm so sorry Louis. I'll pick it up, I'm sorry." he rambles on, cutting his hand. "Just stop, Harry. I'll pick it up." Louis says impatiently at first. But Harry keeps trying to pick up the bottle. "HARRY STOP! JUST GET OVER HIM! HE'S DEAD HE'S NOT COMING BACK, LET ME PICK UP THE FUCKING BOTTLE!" Louis shouts, until he's out of breath. Harry's drunken eyes look at him, "I'm going out." he says after the longest silence of his life. "No, I'm sorry. Let me fix your hand." Louis mumbles. "No, don't worry about it." Harry slurs, slamming the door behind him. Louis gets up from the floor leaving the mess there, and heading to his room. He wasn't going to go after him, he swore to himself as he cried until his pillow was soaking wet. Not this time.

~~~

Two days later, Harry hasn't came home and Louis doesn't give a fuck to be honest. He didn't call him, he doesn't text him, he doesn't call Harry's mom to see if he's there. He doesn't and he won't. Because Louis feels like he's trying his best and Harry isn't. Louis doesn't do much anymore, he lays in bed away. Only staring at the hole in the wall across from where his bed is from where he punched it one night. He was about to doze off again, when he feels his phone vibrating near his side. Its Harry's sister Gemma. Meet me in that shitty coffee shop you work at. And Louis obliges because he has nothing left to do. He gets off from his unmade bed, and steps over clothing that he had slung around because he was honestly too lazy to pick anything up or wash anything up. So he just put on a pair of jeans and a shirt that didn't smell as bad as the rest put on a beanie and walked out to meet Gemma. She greets him with a hug and a kiss on the forehead. "How are you holding on?" Louis asks her, taking a sip of his tea and resting his chin on the cold table. "Isn't that something I should be asking you, Lou?" she asks, taking off her scarf because it was really cold outside, but really warm in the shop. "Um, well things are hard obviously." he hides his hands in his long sleeve shirt. "You shouldn't have yelled at him like that." Gemma says grabbing Louis's chin and making him look at her. "I know, Gem. I bloody fucking know. I was just so frustrated, and it hurts to see him like this, ya know? Like he's hurting and he won't let me try to fix him. Its like he's trying to make me hate him, even though that's way too fucking impossible because I love him so much. And honestly, if it meant that I'd have to die so he could smile again, I would do whatever." Louis says, biting his lip to stop from crying. Gemma places her warm and soft hand over his cold and calloused hand. "I know. I knew you loved him since the day he too you home over the summer like 4 years ago." Gemma laughed. Louis smiled remembering that summer, Harry and him staying up that night, and Louis realizing that maybe he wasn't so into girls. Harry's lazy smile in the morning, and bright, happy green eyes made him realize that. But unfortunately, those feelings weren't returned. "Anyways, I just want you to know that Harry is okay. He's going back to yours tomorrow. He'll heal soon, I promise." she says as she leans over to hug him. Louis sure did hope so.

Harry doesn't come back the next day, so Louis takes the opportunity to visit his mom in Doncaster. He packs 2 sandwiches and water for the road, and heads off, leaving the door unlocked, just in case. Louis just needed a break, he needed to get away for a while. It snowing by the time he gets home, and his little sisters are in the yard making a snow man, that kind of just looks like a huge pile of snow with 3 black rocks in it. "Louis!" the twins were the first to run to him and give a hug and so were the rest of the girls, hugging him and squeezing the breath out of him. "I'm glad your home, big brother." Fizzy says, walking alongside Louis inside their house. He smiles and kisses her forehead. "Louis, honey! You're home." his mom hugs him much tighter then the rest of his sisters. He hadn't been home in such a long time. "Don't ever be away from home for such a long time, ok?" Jay says kissing his cheek. "No, mom. Not ever." he forces a smile. Jay rubs his back, because she knows why Louis is here. "Here, take off your coat, I have tea in the kettle. Its almost done!" Jay scurries off to the kitchen, as Louis hangs up his coat. Home would do him good.

The next morning, he wakes up with messages from Harry.  
You shouldn't have yelled at me like that.  
Come home, please.  
Please call me, I'm worried. I miss you.  
I miss you, please. Call me, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry.  
I know I can't bring him back.  
You're not Riley  
I'm sorry, I miss you so much. Please call me I just need to hear your voice, I don't want to be alone.  
I miss you.  
Louis deletes every single one of them, because if he replies to them, he'll just gush out all his feelings to him, and make himself feel more guilty. After trying to sleep a little more, he throws the covers off his body, puts on a shirt that says VANS on the front, and he doesn't know why he wears it because Harry used to wear it more than him and it even still smells like his cologne. Louis blames on the fact that something has to remind him of Harry even if he isn't there. Louis walks down the stairs, and no one is home but his mom. "Where is everyone?" he says, his voice sounding raspy. Jay hands him some tea, and toast with his favorite jam and kisses him on the cheek. "The girls have school! You woke up pretty late. Its almost 12." she smiles. "I know, I'm sorry. Haven't been sleeping to well." he says sitting down on the kitchen table, his mom sitting beside him. "I know, baby. I'm sorry. He's heal soon." she rests her hand on his shoulder. "Mom, I love him a lot." he says, his voice quivering a bit. It was his mom, he wasn't going to cry in front of her for God's sake. "Louis, baby. Harry's just going to a rough time right now. I knew you had crush on him! I would catch you staring at him for like an hour straight!" she teased, making Louis smile, with his watery eyes.  
"I just feel guilty after all. His boyfriend is dead, and I have this pathetic crush on him?" "Louis, none of this is your fault. Riley committed, and none of it was your fault. You can't help what you feel, love." she says, pulling Louis in for a hug. Louis smiles, because there is nothing like his mom's advice and love.

~~~

Louis comes home, with a book bag slung over his shoulder and a smile on his face. Harry is lying on the couch, asleep, the TV playing Lizzie McGuire. Louis grins because Harry can be such a 12 year old sometimes. Harry is swearing a sweats and Riley's old jumper, curls all over his face and he honestly looks like an angel. Louis pushes his curls back, because the heat is so warm in the house, that Harry is a bit sweaty. Louis just wants to kiss his forehead and he does, making Harry's eyes flutter open. 

"Louis." he says rubbing his eyes, "You're home." Louis takes off his coat and hangs it up, "Yeah, I am. Thought I would go home for a while." "Louis." "What?" he whispers for some unknown reason. "I'm so tired. I don't know why, I've been sleeping all day!." Harry gives Louis the cutest sleeping smile, and Louis forgets about his troubles for a while. He walks over to Harry and runs his hand through his little soft curls, "Then go back to sleep, baby." he whispers again. "Can you sleep with me?" Harry says patting the blanket and couch. Louis tells himself that it isn't almost 4pm and that he is so very tired from the trip, even though he really isn't. He obliges laying down next to Harry, allowing Harry to hug his waist, and fall asleep peacefully. Harry falls asleep first, and the only sound is his heavy breathing, and Lizzie McGuire singing in that concert at the near end of the movie. He turns around carefully to look at Harry's face. He had lost a bit a weight and look kind of pale but he was still very beautiful, and Louis didn't know he could love someone so much.

~~~

Harry starts sleeping with Louis in his own bed, and they end up facing each other, limbs intertwined, fingers intertwined as if they had watched a scary movie and were scared to sleep by himself. Louis just really wanted to make sure that Harry was there, and would be there, he wanted to make sure that his torso, hands, arms, fingers, legs, toys, were all touching Harry because he had only been this close before they met Riley. And Harry smells like his cologne, and a little like Louis's shampoo because Harry just didn't feel like using his own or hadn't bought some more for himself, Louis thought. Louis wondered why he was always the last to sleep, maybe it was because he wanted to see the more peaceful side of Harry, because some days Harry had bad days. Days where he screamed and shouted and cried and blamed himself and wanted to die, and he would sometimes punch walls, and Louis would let him. Anything to let him get his anger, sadness, and frustration out. Other days, he's so happy that he glows. Everything for Louis is happier and joyful after seeing Harry making breakfast in the morning, whistling some tune and wearing some shirt. Louis just wants to touch him. Just run his hand over his soft skin, and maybe kiss it. But not yet. Not quite yet.

~~~

Months later, its Harry's birthday and he lies in bed all day. "Come on, Harry! Its your birthday!" Louis says as cheerful as he could ever sound. Harry says he misses Riley and that he was in one of those sad days. "It doesn't have to be a sad day! We can make it happy! We can call Liam, Niall, Zayn! We can even call Perrie, Jade, Jesy, and Leigh Anne! We can have a little party. We'll get them to cook, maybe order some pizza? If you want we can bring some drinks!" Louis says happily. He gets to response from Harry so he playfully throws himself beside him, "Harry...." he says, and starts tickling him in his sides. Harry says nothing. Louis sighs, and smiles. He reaches over under the mattress and pulls out his gift for him, all wrapped in some cheesy wrapping paper. He tries to hand it to Harry, but he doesn't budge. "Harry, here I got you something." "Louis, please. I just don't feel good today." Harry mumbles. "Please, just open the present its really special, I-" Harry slaps the present away from Louis, it hits the wall and falls on the floor breaking into hundreds of pieces. Louis doesn't say anything. The frame of the picture of Harry, Louis, and Riley together at the graduation was in pieces. "Happy birthday, Harry." Louis says, slamming the door behind him and heading to Zayn's house. It was just one of THOSE days he says to himself that night as he got drunk out of his fucking mind right along Zayn and his friends.

~~~

Harry makes it up to him, though. He starts going to therapy, and donates the Riley's sweaters to a charity because maybe there is homeless boy out there that is very cold. Harry starts smiling more, and making Louis breakfast in bed, and lunch in bed, and takes him off to fancy dinners where they dress up with suits and stuff. He holds Louis's hand and kisses it, and also kisses him sometimes urgently and sometimes not so urgently. He was growing to love that boy a lot. Riley was just this bittersweet memory now. Harry had loved Riley with his everything, but he was gone now, and nothing or no one could bring him back, Harry finally accepted and understood that. He had someone there for him now.

~~~

The first time Louis talks about marriage was with Zayn. Because Zayn was the oldest in the group, and apart from Harry, Zayn was the closest Louis was to. To some extent that if Harry wasn't in his life, and if Zayn wasn't engaged, he would probably want to snog him. Zayn grins at him teasingly when he shows him the silver ring he had bought for Harry. They hug so tight that the both of them couldn't breath. Soon, Niall, Liam, Perrie, Jesy, Jade, and Leigh Anne all knew because on such exciting news like this, Zayn couldn't keep his mouth shut. Everyone congratulated him and Perrie started crying, and soon everyone was crying because finally Louis and Harry were going to be happy. And even better, happy with each other. Zayn is the best man, Zayn already knows that, Louis doesn't have to tell anyone. They just had this special bond. A couple nights after that, Louis proposes and Harry cries and Louis cries because he thought Harry would say no. Harry laughed at him, and playfully punched his shoulder, telling him that of coarse he wanted to marry him. "It would be a pleasure to spend the rest of my life with you," Harry said dramatically. Louis laughed and called him a dork, because didn't want to make it seem like his heart raced like he was 13 with his first crush.

~~~

Harry and Louis get married in a small venue because it was only their few friends and family members. Louis's twin sisters were supposed to be flower girls, but they were just throwing flowers all over the place, sometimes stepping on them. Everyone just laughed because nothing could ruin this moment. As the preacher spoke, they weren't really listening because they were just looking at each other. Louis was looking at Harry as if it were the first time he was realizing how beautiful Harry was. And Harry was looking at Louis because what if he missed this moment? What if there was a feature of Louis that Harry hadn't noticed? Louis was just itching to know every part of Harry, so he says "I do" before the preacher finishes talking making everyone erupt in laughter. Louis blushed and Harry kissed his cheek telling him it was okay. They proceeded to put on the rings Louis's had fit perfectly and Harry's was too small. Louis blushed again and profusely apologized, thinking he was just embarrassing himself. But Harry reassured to him that they could get a new one after the wedding if Louis so wish to do so. So after all that Louis was Louis Styles or Harry was Harry Tomlinson, who the hell knew? All that he knew is that they would finally have their happy ending.

That night, after have explored every part of their body, they wrapped themselves in the thick covers, and wrapped themselves around each other as best as humanely possible. "I have something for you." Harry whispers, his minty breath making the small baby hairs at the back of Louis's neck standing up. "You got me a gift? Shit, Harry, I didn't get you anything. I thought married to me was a good enough present." Louis smirks. Harry rolls his eyes and hands him a small package wrapped in white paper with a small bow on it. "I even put a bow on it. Wanted to make it all fancy. Even though its just you." Harry teases, slinging his arm over Louis's stomach, as Louis unwraps the paper and throws it all on the floor. Louis puts the bow on Harry's forehead. "Its the picture of you, me and uh, Riley. From when I was an asshole and broke it. I wanted to go get it fixed, but I didn't know who to go to. So I super glued it all by myself. You better get grateful, I got my finger stuck to one of my curls. I had to cut some of the hair off." Harry rambles on, and Louis just kisses him because Harry can be so dumb sometimes. But Louis was too madly in love to care. "You are dumb, and I love you. Thank you." he mumbles, his face buried in Harry's shoulder. Louis sets the fragile frame on the table beside their bed. "By the way, you're cleaning all that paper up." Harry declares after they have turned off the lights and were supposed to be sleeping. Louis grins because he knew he wouldn't.


End file.
